By Veronica T. Barton, California domestic violence defense attorney and creator of DEFEAT the DVRO. Last updated October 29, 2026.
The short answer
When there is no hard evidence, the hearing comes down to credibility. Calmly deny each specific allegation, bring any text messages from around the time of the alleged threats that show the petitioner was not afraid of you, tell the judge you have no criminal history, explain any motive the petitioner has to lie, and tell the judge you have moved on and have no intention of contacting them. Do not argue abuse of process or perjury, because the only question in front of the judge is whether a restraining order is needed to prevent future abuse.
A viewer left a comment asking me to address his situation. He was served with a temporary restraining order. His ex says he threatened to kill her and her family. There is no evidence of it, he has no criminal record, and she added allegations from eight months earlier with no timeline. A lot of people who are served with a restraining order find themselves in exactly this spot, so here is my take.
Expect her to say things at the hearing that are not in her papers
From the comment, it was clear he did not really know what the evidence would be, because what she wrote in her declaration was not much. Remember that at the hearing, the petitioner can say things that are not in the declaration.
What you want to do, and be careful with this if you do not know how to do it, is question her and point out that she put everything important in her declaration but did not mention any of the new things she said today. If her declaration says you threatened to kill her, and then in court she adds that you also punched her and knocked her out, you have to wonder why that was not in the declaration. I teach exactly how to do this in the course, and I walk through the four-step version in {kpost(‘win-against-a-liar-restraining-order-hearing’, ‘what to do when the petitioner brings up new allegations’)}.
No hard evidence is not the same as no evidence
If you did not do this, there is not going to be a text message from you threatening to kill anyone. There is not going to be a Ring camera recording, or a voicemail, or a voice memo. It simply does not exist. But that does not mean there is no evidence. Her testimony is evidence, and so is yours. It is all about credibility.
Calmly explain your side. “I have never assaulted the petitioner in any way. I have never threatened to kill the petitioner or her family.” Then bring circumstantial evidence. If she says the threat was eight months ago, and seven months ago she was texting you to meet up for coffee, bring those messages, with at least three copies. It is not absolute proof, but it is circumstantial evidence that what she is saying is not true.
Tell the judge you have no criminal history. And if the petitioner has a motive to lie, bring it up. “Your Honor, I do not know exactly why the petitioner brought this. I do know she was very upset when I broke up with her.” Or, if it is true, “I admit I cheated on her. I was not the best boyfriend. But I never abused her.” Breaking up with someone and cheating on someone are not abuse. Sometimes the motive is not that clean. Some people do it for attention, or they make it up hoping it will bring you back, and when it does not, they get angry. You may not have anything clear. But if you do, say it.
Do not go on the offensive
A red flag in the comment was the phrase “abuse of process.” Do not talk about abuse of process. That is not what the hearing is about. A California domestic violence restraining order hearing is about one thing: whether it is necessary to issue a restraining order to prevent future domestic violence. It is not about abuse of process. It is not about perjury. It is not about whether something should happen to the petitioner. You are simply defending, as the respondent.
Since that is the question, use it. If your ex says the last time she heard from you was eight months ago, point that out. “Your Honor, this was not a good relationship, but it was not abusive. I did not abuse the petitioner. I have moved on. I have not contacted her in eight months and I have no intention of contacting her in the future.” If the judge believes you, that shows a restraining order is not necessary. You do not even want to talk to her anymore.
Say all of it calmly and respectfully. You are the epitome of reason. You are not angry, not annoyed to be in court, not annoyed to have lies told about you. You are rising above it and simply explaining your side to the judge.
The cross-examination questions that expose a changing story are the part most respondents are least prepared for, and they are what Step 2 of DEFEAT the DVRO is built around.
Control what you can: how you present yourself
There is only so much you can control in this situation. One thing you can control is how you look. I do not make clients buy a new outfit, but if you are asking what I would wear as a man in this spot: a light blue, light lavender or light pink long-sleeve button-down shirt that fits you well, with light gray slacks that are hemmed nicely and dress shoes. You do not need a tie or a suit. What I would not wear is a red shirt with black slacks. Those are angry colors. You want to be the picture of calm and professionalism.
Wear a belt, but you will have to take it off at security, so start taking it off while you are in line. Bring three copies of every document, in separate folders if you can, so that everything about you looks organized. Keep your phone away in the courtroom.
And be nice to everyone in the courthouse, even if they are rude to you. Clerks and deputies have long days and sometimes they are short with people. It does not matter. Be nice anyway, because the judge has lunch with the clerks and deputies, chats with them on breaks, and hears about it when someone is a jerk. That can cost you the whole hearing no matter how well you dressed, how well you presented your evidence, or how badly the other side did.
Frequently asked questions
What if there is no evidence against me at a restraining order hearing?
The petitioner’s testimony is evidence, and so is yours. The judge decides who is more credible. Deny the specific allegations calmly, bring anything circumstantial that contradicts the story, and tell the judge about your clean record and the petitioner’s motive if there is one.
Should I accuse the petitioner of lying or abuse of process?
No. The hearing is about whether a restraining order is needed to prevent future abuse. Arguing perjury or abuse of process makes you look angry and does not answer that question.
What should I wear to a restraining order hearing?
Business casual in light colors. A light blue, lavender or pink button-down and light gray slacks for men. Avoid red and black.
Is this legal advice?
No. This post is educational. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship.
Where this fits in DEFEAT the DVRO
Everything above comes down to two skills: questioning the petitioner about what changed, and telling your own side calmly. Step 2 of DEFEAT the DVRO covers cross-examination, and Step 3 covers preparing and presenting your testimony.
If you plan to represent yourself, take the free first class. It is about 19 minutes, with no credit card required. The full course is $596, or 4 payments of $149 with Klarna, with lifetime access and a 48-hour money-back guarantee. Not sure which option fits? See how the free court help, legal aid, the course and hiring an attorney compare.
Start the free class at defeatthedvro.com
If you would rather have an attorney handle the hearing for you, my office handles restraining order defense throughout California.
This post is educational and is not legal advice. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship.
